i just realized i have moved... it's been great sharing some thoughts, experiences, rants and even no-brainers here... been here for four or five years i guess... and i loved every bit of it...

this one's very dear to me... if you've been reading this eversince, it seems somehow, well just somehow you have witnessed how i have changed through those years... well, i know it is just somehow... coz just like what i have always said, you'll never really know me and get me through the entries here... they're just a minute part of that diverse me...

but in some little ways i have shared myself here... you might have seen how i had finished school, changed vocation, lost friends, proved true friends, loved, fell, loved some more, found true love, been blessed, learned, given a life shift after college and board, been entrusted a wonderful ministry, surpassed struggles, thanked my God, backslid (well, somehow), grown, matured, and still has struggles and shortcomings... and who could forget that longest 4-month blog-leave (well, i think you do forgot haha, well at least i couldn't haha)... where too much has happened in my life but opted not to let the world (or at least cyberspace) know then... and still you welcomed me back with warmth... it's so nice staying here...

but just like any other nice thing... guess this blog stops here... it has served me well... and has been an avenue to spill those thoughts that were dying for an outlet... especially at times that having someone to talk to wasn't feasible at the moment...

thanks for bothering clicking, gliding and lurking here... my intention of blogging was to express through words, that was just it period... but if somehow i had touched your life, or made your day, or gave even a little hope or inspiration or even made you laugh or cry i'd be glad then... and sorry if ever, if there was even an instance i had offended someone with any word scribed here... hope there isn't, but if there is, i'm really sorry... i don't feel good having someone wronged...

well, i have moved to wordpress... you may or may not click on this link... for info purposes, well, this is my new hideout: shelovessunshineydays.wordpress.com

sometimes you have to let go of your conventions... let go of the convenient... let go of your "used-to's"... to grow... well, i'm leaving blogdrive... so, long!

(dapat talaga dramatic, kasi goodbye ito eh, hehehe)

kirbyboy, so long...

i wanna post...

i can't define what i wanna post...

coz i can't comprehend what i wanna post...

i know i wanna say something... i just don't know what to say...

hehehe

still... it's a wonderful day... i am amazed...

look at the happy things...

i am blessed...

sometimes i am stubborn...

many times i am good... and nice... and other things...

constantly i am blessed...

i am just it... tsk tsk

i am blessed... so much... so much... *wink*

--kirbyboy, girl

Leadership Training and Retreat last friday and saturday... had a blast... thank God for the boss who allowed her probationary analyst for a day's leave... yey! yey! yey!

first leadership training for our new leaders...leadership modules were discussed by us (the core, group counselors and our YM advisers)... i discussed one module themed "Keep the Vision Alive"... it's about being an inspirational leader...

well this is what you ought to remember... a reminder for me as well... "Where is your optimism????"... nothing inspires people more than a leader who regards mistakes and failures as opportunities for improvement and growth... i love it i love it i love it... i know i am this girl some time ago, that little miss sunshine... i miss that "me"... getting there again, yey!... taking time

another thing... strive for excellence!

have i mentioned we were caught by the storm there in Batangas?... so our two days were filled with a little sunshine now and then, rain now and then, strong winds in the evening, big waves, brownouts, and so much fun... i loved it that the weather calmed after our evening gathering nearly midnight... had time in the seashore to play "one-of-the-boys"... syempre kami na naman ni monette yun... haha



one more thing... gained friendship with them... just being there... no meetings, no agendas, no rules, no problems to solve... just ourselves...

i thought when we would be on our way home, it would be quiet coz we'd all be tired from hitting the beach.. but to my amazement, it was so loud and jolly... to the point na nakakahiya 'coz sobrang ingay sa bus... with all the laughter...

what i missed: i missed the cheerdance blow-out swimming (coz it's the same weekend) for placing first and spending that 40,000 cash prize... but who cares?... there's no place i'd rather be that weekend than with my friends... sharing, learning, laughing and thanking God... priceless!

more than all the fun, adventure, and laughters... it's such a comfort to know that God trusts you enough for these young leaders... it's such a joy to see them grow... growing includes making mistakes, getting "sermons" but then it all makes sense when you see them soar... taking the lead to lead not because you told them but because they've learned... but more than anything, because they love their God...

well for all of us... real leadership starts now (again)... let's see where God would be leading us...

just one thing that was missing: it would be nicer having you there... i'd be happier if you were there... but then it's nice and i loved the weekend... loved it more if you were there...

still, i thank God coz He's enlarging Jerem's territory... thank You God for blessing him with a wonderful job in which he could be used to his fullest potentials... i’m happy seeing him excel…


--kirbyboy, dugyot

dear Daddy God,

thank You for this day...

thank You for this life... another day to live

this morning i was two inches short of meeting You face to face my God... worse, i was two inches short of having my bones crushed... i was careless... natulala po ako after...

seeing You today would be so good... but then, it isn't time yet... till then, i'll look forward to that sweet day...

thanks that i realized that there are people i should show love and understanding more... thanks for another chance to love...

sorry if i messed up... sorry if i played the brat... i don't wanna be one...

be more gracious and understanding...

i learned to be careful... value life... and live each day as if it were the last...

and love as if i never had my heart broken...

and God, mag-iingat na po ako tumawid...

love,
Your little girl

--kirbyboy, amateur pedestrian

mothers' day on sunday... well, moms own a special spot in our hearts... being a mother is a special call from God...

as early as when i was in my early teens 12, 13, 14... i was praying to God to prepare the man he had made for me... prepare his heart to meet mine... prince charming will knock me of my feet and take me away to wonderland... have a family of my own... together, we'll be serving God... have healthy and happy kids that fear and love God...

having your own babies in your arms would be such a wonderful wonderful feeling... but then, just like any gift from God, everything wonderful has a time frame attached to it... earlier or later than that wonderful time wouldn't be that wonderful... so needless to say, at this very moment, that isn't for me yet...

why can't i be a mom right now...

i am still childish in some ways...

i find doing house chores unexciting these days... (though, i'd love to)

i am not yet stable financially...

though i'm good at teaching kids (training from DVBS and sunday school), i remember a time when i got so impatient teaching abbie Math before... once lang naman yun, pero kahit na

still, i am sometimes moody and have *sungit-attacks*...

there's a lot more to life that must be learned...

i have to be more mature... it's not that i'm not, but there's still some polishing that needs to be done (everybody is a work-in-progress)...

my relationship with God needs to be worked out more...

still need time to grow as an individual... as a person...

higit sa lahat, wala akong asawa... duh!...

in times when hearing friends getting pregnant out of wedlock won't be a major shock to anyone... and people assume everyone is doing "it" so what's new?... and premarital sex isn't an inside-the-closet-issue anymore... still, there is a call for us to live by how God really design it to be... marriage is wonderful and the things that come with it (building a family, "making" and having babies, etc)... and God designed marriage... and anything that should just be done within marriage done outside it, would just be a disaster in any way... wonderful na sana pumangit pa... coz it's not what God intended...

not trying to be preachy and to sound "holier-than-thou"... that's the least i wanna seem... i think it's just timely that we should take a stand on things... things that are "normal" to the world... yet very displeasing in God's eyes...

a reminder for everyone... including me... no one's exempted... 'coz we all struggle... and because we are still in our earthly bodies... at the end of the day, it all boils down to God's grace... we all need God's grace to overcome and do what is right...

anyway, back to the mother-thing ('coz this is supposed to be a mother's day post)...

when my mom was my age now, she already had me, maybe about more than two years old... yeah quite young... life was anything but ordinary... i grew up without her around...she was abroad... now she's here for more than a year now... and i can say we're really different... different in many things... perhaps the only thing we have in common is we both laugh loudly (but mine is more pleasant hehe)... by God's grace i had learned to accept the things in life as the years went by... God's grace... and i know God choose that womb for me to be in 21 years ago... i thank God for my life... i thank God i have a mom... i thank God i am alive... growing... and looking forward to the wonderful things to come...

ayun, as much as we giggle with little kids and cuddle and carry babies when we see them, be it our siblings, cousins, kids of friends or churchmates, we can always give them back to their parents when they cry, pee, poo, or kapag sawa na tayo or kapag nangangawit na tayo... for now, that would would be just the case for me... and it's better that way... for now...

guess we just have to have our fingers crossed for a "baby brother" namin nila Abbie and Jimbo as Jerem is always teasing... na malabo... ok na rin kung sila nila Monette and Neal na lang yung magkaka-"baby sister"... mas mukhang likely... parehas lang naman hehe

**that ends my "grown-up post"... for a change...

so happy mothers' day to all moms!!!


--kirbyboy, mabait (lagi na lang??)

**emsiboy, mommy pat, sis. babes, kirby, louieboy (vita-violet!)

this is the story of a girl
who cried a river and drowned the whole world

while she looks so sad in photographs
i absolutely love her when she smiles

***

gone campsite-hunting yesterday... i thought it rained on my parade the other day... coz i was in an "out-of-town mode" since sunday night
tapos wednesday some backed out... hindi daw pwede and mga supposed to be kasama ko na sila petus, garryboy, louieboy at petang... leaving only me, kuya jess and jerem to go there (parang magde-date kami ni jerem tapos chaperone si kuya jess hehe)... hay... thought we had to reschedule it... good thing, wednesday afternoon petus and louieboy said they'd be going so ok na...

late late afternoon, jerem was overly sick that i had to fetch him at the office and call a cab and bring him to their home... thought he wouldn't make it for the occular visit... so i had conditioned my self i'd be going with the three boys (kuya jess, petus, louie)... but no jerem... so ayun... pero i was still hoping he'd be there big time... but i didn't wanna force it 'coz maybe he'd still be sick by then... i was so so glad he was there that morning though still quite headachy...

ang "trip na trip" according to kuya jess... went here and there within Bataan... we went to Mariveles, the i forgot the name of the other two towns, then Morong... then to Olongapo then to Manila... the trips were sooo looong... we managed to visit two sites... the one was Luzon Baptist Camp and Bataan Technology Park... the day was about riding buses, minibuses, vans, jeepneys, tricycles... a hanging bridge, a river, the beach, dorms, fields... well, i enjoyed the day i can say... sooo long... imagine i had come home at 30 minutes pass midnight... tired

but i had fun... breather
****


quoting the boys' conversation i heard in the van (kunyari i wasn't listening, doing something else): one-line...
"siguro happy-heart si God nung ginawa N'ya yung chocolate hills... ang kulit eh..."
***


--kirbyboy, happy-heart as well

just came home... i was dead sleepy on my way home but then found myself unwilling to close my eyes when i got here...

found this one from bibay... recently i read everything... newspapers (any section), mails in the office, notes, pops, and i cant believe i now have the patience to read each text message sent to me intently, even the forwarded ones...

and i love quoting them... i don't know why...

Let me tell you a crazy story I heard recently.There' s this husband who out of sheer love for his wife decided to prove it to her. So he swam the widest oceans, crossed the deepest rivers, and climbed the highest mountains to show his deep devotion to her. But in the end, she divorced him. Why? Because he was never home.

Let me tell you an experience I had as a kid. One day, I asked Mom, "Why do my shoes keep eating my socks?" As a young boy, that was always a mystery for me. All my other classmates never had that problem. Their socks remained tight and high up their legs the entire day.

Mom didn't answer my question but simply gave me two rubber bands which I dutifully placed around the top of my socks. To this day, fifteen years llater, I still have permanent circle marks around my legs. But aside from giving me this slight defect, the two bands worked like magic.

It never occurred to me that Dad and Mom didn't have the money to buy a new pair of socks for me. So I wore five-year-old socks, all soggy, grayish, and garter less. And yet amazingly, I never complained. I believe it was because Dad was always home when I needed him. Every night, after coming from work, we'd jog together, sit around, and talk about Tarzan, Farrah Fawcett Majors,God, and what I wanted to be when I grew up (a stockholder). On Saturdays, we'd walk to Cubao, eat a hotdog-on-a- stick,and buy new rubber bands before going home.

I've learned that in truth, we don't want our loved ones to show their love for us in big ways. Swimming the widest oceans, crossing the deepest rivers, and climbing the highest mountains seem spectacular - but that's not what we really want. Deep in our hearts, we just want them home. With us.

Sometimes, God will operate that way. Suddenly, He decides not to answer our prayers, or fill our need, or heal our sickness, or give us the miracle we're asking for. (He's got reasons why He won't, and believe me - they're pretty good ones.) So He'll just be there beside you, holding you in a hug. Sharing your pain. Weeping as you weep. Oh, He might give you some rubber bands. And that small comfort from Him will be more than enough to sustain you. Because the most essential truth you already know... to be home.

today... so-so... quite a number of draft entries here... not sure if it would be proper to post here... so meanwhile, they'll just be drafts... for my eyes only... thoughts of a girl... diverse... incomprehensible... magulo... marami... period

things to be thankful for:

sunshine

prayers

people

***
still...
glad to show love... glad to take care... glad that i've seen you... not glad you're sick


--kirbyboy, iyakin

so here is the weekend update though we are just a day away from the next weekend... yey!

metrogate estates YM swimming last saturday...


we were 83... woohoo... including bubuy... God really is amazing... i didn't expect it...




this was during the water baptism...


the weekend was good... even better with you... mush

***

still getting a hang of Forbidden Kingdom... saw it last night with Jerem... astig pare... so nice seeing Jet Li in a nice happy jolly role, unlike what he usually does... Jackie Chan is always entertaining as expected... they're both witty and charming on screen... galing ng action scenes... tiger... praying mantis... eagle...



two tigers cannot live in one mountain...

love it love it love it... hay

***

my heart just breaks for women that cry, get hurt, dumped, left behind, taken for granted, unappreciated... la lang, i just saw someone crying lately eh... and i always see older women near tears, just holding back their tears staring at nothing...yung konting pitik na lang hahagulgol na... see them often when im commuting here and there... or i'm just too observant and sensitive... "gusto mo bang pasanin ang problema ng buong mundo??"... someone told me before... answer: not all... i'm indifferent to the rice shortage dilemma of the Philippines and the canister scandal in Cebu... but i now care about taxes

***
we're 4 months ni Jerem yesterday... as cheesy as it may sound, we do celebrate 'monthsaries'... but we don't use the term monthsary... it's kinda-off... hehe... well, he surprised me first thing in the morning... sooo nice...

***

stumbled upon Jimbo's blog-- http://jimbubog.blogspot.com the other day... saw it sa cookie list sa browser... ummm... i was quite impressed dahil hindi ko akalaing ganito kagaling mag-express ang kapatid ko in english... nakakaiyak... hahaha... syempre there are some (barely noticeable ng isang normal na tao) subject-verb disagreements... but then, he could express himself well... better than i expected... who needs technicals when you could spill yourself well??... right...eh ako nga eh super informal and random and unconstructed eh... and never thought he would keep a blog because everytime he would see me writing an entry here, he would tease me "ano yan te?" sarcastically... harhar... anyways, i'm amused to read his blog everytime... and glad to confirm my bro's got a heart in there... hehe... well he's one of my most favorite persons in the whole wide world... actually i only got three 'most favorite' persons...coz i've got few favorites pero yung 'most favorite' 3 lang kasi super redundant yung term hehe...

gonna update my blogroll on the right side...

***

--kirbyboy, appreciating the things in life

a full-packed weekend...specifics to-follow... i'm dead-tired

one wonderful thing i can't wait to blog about:
the boyfriend on a weekend...yey!
left last monday for Bohol (fieldwork)... holding my tears when i last saw him sunday at church before the YM fellowship... coz he'd be there so so long... Bohol then Cebu...
expecting to see him after a month... after the series of text exchanges thursday night said he was coming home the day after... i was like as in "di nga???"...missing kirby big time

so ayun... i melted...


--kirbyboy, haba ng hair

been attending a week-long seminar since monday... the seminar's 'bout the system we're using (Financial Mgt. System)... some modules are interesting... or medyo biased lang siguro ako in looking at the delivery rather than the content itself... and mga oldies na mga engineer mostly ang attendees...

naaliw naman ako sa kaka-exam at maging grade-concious at mag-perfect ng ilang exams... dahil daw ipapamigay nila ako pag nagkamali ako hehe... true enough, nagkamali ako ng 2 items nung nadun si Ayako (team leader ko) hehe... back in school, i was never a grade-concious student... masaya na kong mag-exam at kalimutan ang concepts after the results... i miss school! (i can't believe i'm saying this)

in between the mabagal na pacing ng MMS module today, naadik ako sa minesweeper ulit... ang old-school pero twice lang ako nakabuo ng expert na set for the day... yung 99 mines... nakakahilo

When you enter into someone's life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? When you die, will your life have resulted in more loving or more hurting? More comfort or more pain? More joy or more sadness? Each one of us has the power over the balance of the love in the world. Use it wisely!"

how come i'm this patient when i thought i'm getting sooo impatient the past days??? hay, ang bait ko... ayokong ma-very good!... ayaw kirby

looking forward to the weekend... for my first summer lakwatsa... muntik pang bumagyo... excited 'coz i'll be with YM... realized it's not that hard to win them over and be their ate and friend though i normally get to be with them only on weekends...

bummer lang is i can't join the office outing on saturday... sayang... i wanna bond with them but fair enough, all is well... i wanna be with YM more... ako ay isang mastermind... there'd be more chances... i know

"aw..." -- ang sabi ni bubuy (walang kinalaman sa kahit ano)

miss ko Jerem (nasa Bohol)

--kirbyboy, if i could fall into the sky